things im learning in my 20s

just like... realizing things

the older i get, the more i realize things.

if you know, you know lol. anyways, today’s newsletter is nothing groundbreaking - just things i’ve realized as i continue to pave my way through my 20s. i think i’m going to make this into a series to continue building on but in the meantime, here’s a list of things i’ve learned lately:

1. you become the company you keep.

you are the average of your 5 closest friends. be wary of who you are giving your precious time and energy to. i think it’s so important to surround yourself with people that have big goals and that inspire you to make bigger moves with your life. i never want to be the smartest person in the room - i want to learn from people who are intelligent, entrepreneurial and inspiring. as i grow and move on from different past versions of myself, i also grow out of friendships and that’s okay. “unfortunately, some people were not put here to evolve. they are here to remind you what it looks like if you don’t” - a TikTok (lol). regardless of where this actually came from, it’s so important to remind ourselves that every version of ourself will require a different level of growth and sometimes, different people.

growing out of friendships can be painful. but not as painful as staying the same. our environment directly influences the way we move and our ways of thinking.

“to get something you’ve never had, you have to do things you’ve never done”. this applies with who you choose to surround yourself with as well. surround yourself with people who are better than you, who have accomplished things that you want to accomplish, and who will help you get to the next level. you cannot expect to grow into your next version of yourself with people who do not bring value or push you to be better.

2. comparison is the thief of joy.

i just completed my first marathon, but i went down the rabbit hole of comparing my completion time to my favorite running influencers. although i had just accomplished something that less than 1% of people in the world do, i had a twinge of disappointment (it didn’t last long because i pep talked myself back into reality lol). i compared my 5 hour marathon time to someone that ran a 3 hour marathon, and has completed multiple marathons. it seems so silly writing that sentence out because it is genuinely a disservice to yourself when you compare your journey to someone else’s. the person i was comparing myself to has spent the last 3 years running marathons and training to improve their pace time - OF COURSE THEY’RE GOING TO BE FASTER. i started my running journey just 6 months ago and this was my first marathon ever and i went into training with the goal to improve my heart rate, not my pace - why am i comparing myself to a seasoned marathon runner? what was the point of me comparing myself to others? for a minute, my sense of accomplishment and pride turned into disappointment because i compared myself to someone who has been dedicating years to this sport.

everyone is on their own journey and timeline with different goals and intentions. comparison subconsciously allows others to control how you feel and can influence your next move and even who you are.

3. lack of resourcefulness makes you ugly.

my friend just recently told me that someone asked her “when do you have to file taxes?” and she responded with the date which was now passed aka late penalties now apply. they go on to say “how am i supposed to know? no one told me!”. it’s a bit concerning that in a world with information at your fingertips that there’s still the excuse of “no one told me” or “how am i supposed to know”. i do wish that basic adulting things were taught in high school like: how to write a check, basic tax filing, the importance of credit, how to open a credit card, financial literacy, etc.

however, we are grown now. i think at a certain age, it’s time to become self-aware, take action and learn how to be resourceful so we can be responsible. take yourself to the library and learn how to search for books that cover specific topics you’d like to learn more about. learn how to do advanced searches on the internet. utilize AI if you’re into it. the point is: being resourceful is one of the most attractive traits in any type of setting. whether it be as a student, in the workplace and just overall as a person!

4. you can reinvent yourself at any time.

you don’t need to wait for the first of the new month, the new year or a Monday to go after your goals. you can start now and perfect it later. i used to be that person that would wait til the next Monday came around to implement habits to get closer to my goals instead of just starting today. i thought it had to be the perfect setting or day and if i messed up or didn’t accomplish a goal that day, i started ALL over again the next Monday. this sets the unrealistic expectation that you should only go after your goals when you feel like you’re in the right mindset or when you have a boost of motivation. motivation is a fleeing emotion and is never constant, so training ourselves to only act when motivation is here is just setting ourselves up for failure.

nowadays, i try to act with more spontaneity rather than planning out the ‘perfect’ day. if i decide i want to start hitting the gym 3x a week and it’s a wednesday, then i figure out a way to hit 3x with the remaining days left in the week. there’s no ‘perfect’ day to reinvent yourself and go after your goals.

a goal without action is just a thought.

5. hobbies make you cool

i recently had a conversation with someone talking about my favorite hobbies like reading, running, making ceramic pieces and writing little substack newsletters, and they responded saying that i live an ‘interesting cool life.’ as a Leo, this honestly gave me such an ego boost 😂 but in all seriousness, i think it’s so important now more than ever to have hobbies outside of just working and being on your phone. hobbies add to your personality and develop your personal style. hobbies allow you to be creative in ways you never thought possible and i believe it is crucial in your self-development.

i also think it’s so important to try new things and go through the process of being a beginner. i think we get in our own heads when we try something new. thoughts like “i look dumb”, “this is cringe”, “i’m so bad at this” as if we need to be an expert at something to do it. i’m not great at ceramics but i enjoy the process of creating it and that doesn’t make it any less enjoyable to me. i don’t know how or why it got ‘uncool’ to be bad at trying new things - following your own desires, interests and hobbies are what makes you who you are.

in general, finding joy in things other than doom-scrolling is so important for our critical thinking skills and overall attention span, but we can get into this in another newsletter.

thank you for taking the time to read this week’s newsletter! this one was short and sweet but i hope some of these lessons will help you move with more intention 💌